I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
