i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
