this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
