Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
