just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
