dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
