Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That accounts for only three of the penises
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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