They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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