Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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