The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
