I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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