atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
