so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
