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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
