Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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