Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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