we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
