He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
