I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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