she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
