she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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