You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
