Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
