I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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