Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
