I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
