Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
