It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
