I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
