he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
