It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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