READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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