I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
