The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
wow bdsm is so cute
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