New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
