i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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