So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
