the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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