Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
