so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
