There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize