dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
