i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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