she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize