If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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