Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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