I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
