It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
