how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
