I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize