she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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