Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
