Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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