The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
