i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
