I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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