Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
