i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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