is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's rum buckets o'clock
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
