It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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