I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize