i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
