I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
