Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
