umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
