your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We need to get me chipped asap
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize