I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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