hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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