and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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