guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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