white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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