i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize